Saturday, February 23, 2019

Why Is It Hard to Be Nice?


Do you remember when it was fashionable to live by the rule “If you have nothing nice to say about someone, say nothing at all”?  It’s one of those life-lessons, “things I learned in kindergarten” kind of sayings.

A famous Christian writer observed over 500 years ago that, ‘there is hardly anyone who is not tickled with the desire of inquiring into other people’s faults….This depraved eagerness for biting, censuring, and slandering, is restrained by Christ when he says, Judge not.” (John Calvin on Luke 6:37)

Perhaps it is contrary to our human nature to speak nicely of others.  But is this an incurable disease, this practice of speaking mean words about people’s lives? Or is it possible to find a new way forward?  We believe we should say something ‘not nice’ about other people’s faults because ‘they deserve it’, or perhaps words will change society. For example, if a wealthy, famous man gets caught engaging in prostitution; or if an actor stages a crime to gain sympathy, there is nothing nice to say, but does that mean we should say nothing at all? 

But, before we speak words that condemn we should say, ‘there but for the grace of God go I’.  Judging is a sin when we do so from arrogance. When we condemn the sins of others, we should be careful to use words which reflect our own shortcomings, speaking with humility, not with glee.  That a wealthy, 77-year old man seeks sexual pleasure from prostitutes is not something to laugh about, it is something to cry about.  That an actor is so insecure that he thinks the best way to become famous is to deceive the police is a sad commentary on his life and our society, but it isn’t something we should take joy in repeating.

It is so easy today, in our hyper-connected world, to write mean words; to forward or copy tasteless ‘humor’ at the expense of another human being; to use labels as a means of ‘killing softly with words.’  In a society which judges people guilty based on headlines and rumors it might be hopeless to suggest we can do better.

Let’s try to be nicer to each other.  You might change someone, like yourself, for good. (Luke 6:38)

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