J.J. and the Family Conference

J.J. Watt was destined to be on world-class hockey player. The next Gordie Howe, perhaps, or even the next Great One, Wayne Gretzky. There’s no question that the boy, J.J., had the skills to play hockey. His coach told a reporter that J.J. was besting the best of future professional players on national all-star teams. (SI,11.17.14, T. Layden)  Yes, it seemed, J.J. Watt had the elusive mixture of both outlier-skills and outlier-desire, a formula which for any life career almost guarantees world-class success.  Today, J.J. is not a professional hockey player. Why not? Well, the third ingredient to world-class success was out of his control: outlier-opportunity.

J.J.’s parents both had good jobs, Dad as a paramedic and Mom as a scheduler for a contractor. They were blessed with three sons, all promising skaters.  But then the picture became more clear: Mom and Dad and the three boys were a family in name only. Putting three boys on three touring hockey teams was fun and rewarding. But it was expensive. And, more than that, it was preventing the Watt family from being a family. So, Dad and Mom called a fateful family conference. J.J. was finishing 7^th grade and his parents forced him to put family over hockey.  The family met and talked it over, and while it was “tough for all of us”, according to Dad, it was “a massive thing” for J.J. The 7^th grader “cried for an entire day.”  Did the parents give in? Nope. They insisted that the boys find a way to have fun in ways that allowed the family to function.

Do we blame the parents for denying the hockey world the next “Great One”?  Are Canadians cringing at the thought of what might have been? Or do we applaud the parents for being parents?  Sometimes it is just no fun being the adult in the room. Sometimes it can be devastating to tell children, especially teen-agers, that the path they are on isn’t a healthy one, if not for themselves, then certainly for the family. What has happened to the family?  We could blame “youth activities gone bonkers”, or we could blame the pressure created by society on parents to forget that the purpose of having children is to create a family.  What the world needs is more family conferences.

J.J.’s life went on. You can find him on the cover of sports magazines; on television commercials; and hanging with movie stars.  The best over-all professional football player in the world wanted to be a hockey player.  But Dad and Mom wanted him to be a son and brother first. They taught their boys priorities.  Some parents they are.