Pettifogging and Other Bad Words

We all were reminded of a lesson we learned in kindergarten but so often forget: don’t accuse someone of pettifogging in public!

U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts will go down in history for many things, but surely at least a footnote will explain how he reminded the advocates in the impeachment trial not to use ‘mean words.’  It was something like 1:00 a.m.,  when tempers were flaring, harsh words were spoken and character accusations were made. So, Chief Justice Roberts weighed in with a lesson from history.  In the good ol’ days Senators were offended when the word ‘pettifogging’ (being dishonest in petty things) was spoken in the Senate.  His point was that the speakers needed to remember where they were and to whom they were speaking. Use language which is appropriate to the office and the forum.

This reminded me of a warning I give all of the leaders in our church.  I tell them (and myself) to be careful with the words they use on social media or in social settings. I encourage them to not post something on Facebook which they would not want to be displayed before the entire congregation during Sunday’s PowerPoint presentation.  People know if we are church leaders and they are always judging us.  The most oft-leveled charge against Christians is that we are hypocrites: we don’t act or sound like a Christian. 

If Christians are to be ‘salt and light’ in the world, as Jesus teaches, then we need to start by being ‘civil’ in our words.  Don’t say (or post) bad things using mean words about people. Be kind and generous in your speech and in your social media posts. You can say someone is ‘wrong’ without using language that disparages a person’s character. Sure, it’s more satisfying to say someone you disagree with is a ‘low-life idiot who doesn’t know up from down’, but it is not civil nor Christian.  You can make the same point by saying, ‘I don’t think they fully understand the consequences of their actions.’

Let’s make 2020 a year when we encourage each other to use good words instead of bad words when we talk to and about each other.  Building a God-pleasing society starts with our words.

Talk to the Mirror

When I was a young man I developed a habit of talking to myself in the mirror.  It was a ‘thing’ for a while, lots of self-help books and shows.  The trend became a running joke on a popular television show when a character played by Al Franken looked in the mirror and said, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.”  Like most good satire, it makes us laugh (or cringe) at ourselves.  But what makes satire good is that there is an underlying truth which is taken to an extreme.

I really do believe that it is important to start out the day reminding the person in the mirror that ‘you can do this’, whatever the ‘this’ is that the day holds. For a child of God, the beginning of a successful day happens in self-talk which reminds the person in the mirror that you are capable of being loved and that you are capable of showing love.  

A ‘successful’ day for a child of God is one in which we know and show God’s love. Start each day reminding the person in the mirror that this much you can do.

On those days when you are feeling unworthy, guilty, shamed, inadequate, lonely; on those days when you are feeling in control, happy, self-assured, worthy, together; look into that mirror and tell that person God’s daily reminder:  “You are the beloved.” Say it out loud: ‘You. Are. The. Belove-ed.’ Three times. Now, brush your teeth.

““You are the Beloved,” and I hope that you can hear these words as spoken to you with all the tenderness and force that love can hold… Every time you listen with great attentiveness to the voice that calls you the Beloved, you will discover within yourself a desire to hear that voice longer and more deeply. It is like discovering a well in the desert. Once you have touched wet ground, you want to dig deeper.”

Life of the Beloved: Spiritual Living in a Secular World, by Henri Nouwen (source: inward/outward.org/January 13, 2020)

Stay in Bed

In that first moment after I am persuaded that I am not going back to sleep I remind myself to stay in bed anyway.  My habit is to not put a foot on the floor with the intent of going to make the morning coffee until I first listen for God and remind God and myself of what really matters today.

I have a prayer list. My family of course, including our grand dogs.  The people of my church and, by name, those for whom I have promised to pray about a specific need, both parishioners and friends and people I encountered during the week.  I pray for the work I must do, the play I want to do, that God is glorified in both. My Tuesday ‘bed prayer’ is a hymn I sing (in my mind), a lesson learned from my friend Peggy. I have a Saturday prayer in respect of my Jewish cousins in the faith, one word with arms raised: ‘Shalom’, asking God for complete peace of mind, body and soul.

I pray throughout the day, often just little ‘arrow prayers’, shot in God’s direction as I drive or walk or am about to pick up the phone.  But, the most important prayer time is that moment before I will be distracted by spilled coffee grounds, full garbage bags, distressing news, urgent emails and my yogurt. I have learned to ‘force myself’ to pray, because it is so easy to ‘forget’ once the day begins.

Then, at night, in bed, before I will turn to my side to let the melatonin take full effect, I review the day with God.  It might be as simple as, “It was a good day, God. Thank you.” Then I listen and wait for the blessing of sleep knowing that in the morning we will talk again, my friend and my God.

“A bed… is where you face your nearness to or farness from God. Whether you are in pain or not, whether you are an anxious person or not—even, I think, whether you are a religious person or not—a bed is where you come face-to-face with what really matters because it is too dark for most of your usual, shallowing distractions to work.”

–Barbara Brown Taylor, Learning to Walk in the Dark, p. 76

Source: inward/outward.org January 7, 2020

Shalom,